Book Review: Treasured Friends By Ann Hibbard

Women all over the world suffer myriads of stereotypes and often these mostly unfounded mental conceptions tend to be more pronounced in the hinterlands where education is deficient. One such seemingly entrenched stereotypical conception is that women are inherently quarrelsome, so much so that, we tend to view feuds between women as completely ordinary and hence downplay the many possible adverse consequences of such bitter disputes because we somewhat unconsciously deem them normative.

However true or otherwise the above may be, I am of the opinion that women generally make better friends than men based on my personal unscientific observation and Ann Hibbard in her book Treasured Friends corroborated my hunch, though her work is by no means a comparative study/analysis of the sustainability of friendship among the two sexes.

In Treasured Friends, the author marshals a wealth of information from her personal stories and the testimonies of numerous other women she encountered from her many speaking engagements to make a solid case for building intimate friendships.

She begins the book by sampling the views of some of the women on what they considered true friendship noting among other things that, “some use the term friend loosely to mean anything from acquaintances to lifelong soul mates.” As varied as the views were, one of the most recurrent themes in their responses was that true friendship teaches us to love. Ann beautifully encapsulates it thus, “Love is learned in the crucible of human relationships: a place where we bind each other’s wounds, clothe each other with humor, nourish each other with encouragement and quench each other’s thirst for acceptance and companionship.”

Commencing every chapter with a catchy and concise quote, Ann explores key ingredients like trust, love, acceptance, kindness, respect, etc that make for a healthy and intimate friendship yet in a manner that is not all niceties. Like in every human relationship, this book attempts to capture every aspect of true friendship, warts-and-all, thus giving it a realistic appeal. For instance, she advises that “anyone can say what we want to hear. A true friend tells us what we need to hear. Yet every word is prompted by love.” She also warns against parasitic friendships and suggests ways to cut off such ones observing that it is “better to go deep with a few than to have superficial relationships with many” especially “when continuing in a friendship necessitates participation in wrong behavior.”

As beautifully and as well written as this book may be, I strongly suspect that not many men will find it appealing because like me, they may think it too feminine. Even though men will lose nothing for reading it but rather stand to glean some invaluable lessons from an exclusively feminine perspective to better their own relationships, the book, right from the cover page through to the blurb at the back of the book and the numerous examples and stories in between all told in very flowery language that seem to be skewed toward only female readers and probably purposely so. This in my opinion does not take anything away from the book but could probably count for one of its strengths in addition to it being strongly founded on biblical principles and its easy readability. 

In the end, I think Ann Hibbard does a great job in her treatment of this topic and is timely piece for our Technological Age where relationships are built on social media behind the safety of our computer screens, making us probably more isolated than ever. 

I thoroughly enjoyed this book and I recommend it to all ladies especially those who are keen on building intimate friendships. I am willing to lend my copy to any of my lady friends who are interested to give it a read. Just holler at me!

MY EASTER MEMOIRS

I grew up in a good Christian home where every year, two very important events marked the highlights of all activities on the calendar namely, Christmas and Easter. Christmas is usually the most anticipated time of the year and it is always marked with cheerful exchange of gifts amidst lots of merriment and joyous celebrations. This is probably due to the universal acceptance that the season enjoys as it typically tends to be a period of brisk economic activities when traders sought to maximize profits.

For some people, Christmas is simply a cozy holiday season when one sits back to take stock of the year’s activities and for others it marks the culmination of the successes chocked during the entire year and thus a good time to be grateful and to be spent  with the family. The story of Easter, however, is not quite the same.

Easter has traditionally been a somber period. It doesn’t typically enjoy the same exuberance with which Christmas is embraced yet the reason for this seemingly lackadaisical reception may not be so obvious.

Could it be that Christians have successfully maintained the season’s core purpose of serving as a memorial for the agony of their risen Savior and hence its somber nature? Is it because the period is so inherently associated with suffering and death, which are by no stretch of the imagination a merry affair? Or it may probably be due to its muddled pagan origins which detractors trumpet without fail during the season thus dampening the otherwise celebrant moods of many while making some lose faith in the whole celebrations altogether.

I remember I used to see people (usually elderly women) adorned in funeral cloth with very mournful countenance – in fact, some do even wail disconsolately – in certain mainline churches especially on the Good Friday. It makes one wonder, is it some sort of a cruel irony that this day is tagged “good” when the prevailing mood on the day is palpable sadness? Or is it that the true essence of the day is lost or probably misplaced?

I can surmise then that the melancholic milieu of Easter festivities is culpable for its seemingly poor reception because it paints a picture too gloomy for many to readily embrace. Ours is a generation in pursuit of happiness and lofty dreams thus we are very intolerant of any negativity that we perceive could mar our pollyannaish aspirations. So at worst we reject outrightly anything that threatens our happiness and at best resort to rebranding or undergoing a total makeover that appropriately suits our jolly taste.

Is it any wonder then that in Ghana today, Easter is synonymous with joyous festivities in Kwahu? It used to be that in the period nearing Easter celebrations, most ads on TV and radio were about upcoming church conventions and various outreach missions but that is fast changing and giving way to more modern trends. Thus, it is not uncommon to hear ads about paragliding that promises a thrill of a lifetime or those other popular ones in the line of “Easter Jam At Kwahu Featuring Sarkodie and Kojo Antwi…” among others.

Is this new trend good? Well, that will depend on who you ask. For the savvy business man or event organizer, this is just another golden opportunity to rake in large profits. For the insatiable hedonist, it’s just one more reason to party! For the Minister of Tourism, it’s a great time to showcase to the rest of the world the best the country has to offer in order to attract more tourists and investors. For the priest, it is just one more reason to bemoan the adulteration of an otherwise sacred Christian ritual through unholy worldly influences whereas for the zealous young Christian, it’s a good opportunity to intensify evangelistic efforts to bring more lost souls into their fold. I guess it’s all a matter of perspective.

In the end though, Easter like any other period, is a good time for Christians to ponder the costly sacrifice of their beloved Saviour that purchased their redemption. Whether you are going to mark this period with intense fasting and prayers or in a pensive Sabbatarian mood or as a jolly good time with family and close friends, do it all to the glory of God with the Christ crucified as your sole focus!

Happy Easter to all…

SDG!

Taste and See: An Invitation to Read the Bible

Men are renowned the world over as the best cooks yet quite the reverse of this notion holds true in Ghana where women, typically mothers, are regarded as the paragon of home and professional cooking. Thus it isn’t uncommon to hear many say that their mother is the best cook in the world especially so on Mothers’ Day, and this was the imagery that the cover image and title of the book TASTE AND SEE: AN INVITATION TO READ THE BIBLE, aroused in my mind piquing my enthusiasm to dig into the book right away!

The author, Annabel Robinson, in this small book calls for people who haven’t read the bible to give it a try and in my view, she does this brilliantly well. She employs twelve historical bible narratives (5 from the OT with 7 from the NT) and masterfully weaves a concise overview of God’s covenantal redemptive plan in clear and crisp language.

Very impressive also is the matter-of-fact tone she employs in the whole narrative very reminiscent of an impartial arbiter. This in my view portrays her as a credible author who means business and won’t toy with the reader’s sentiments. So for instance she says rather expectantly that “you will no doubt have lots of questions as you read this. You are meant to.” She then goes on to suggest that skeptic readers write down any boggling questions or better still discuss them with their Christian friends for answers assuring such ones that “God welcomes honest questions” yet issuing a helpful caveat that faith does not require that we know all the answers before we believe. This approach gives the book a very realistic feel which in my view is crucial if anyone wishes to reach a serious and thinking audience.

In addition to the above observation, the author also provides very helpful subsections under every chapter where she attempts to situate all the narratives in their proper contexts while suggesting several practical applications and offering useful how-tos on growing in the Christian faith.

However let me add that I did not find every part of the book agreeable and even more frustrating were portions that were too choppy for my liking. Anyway, I guess this may be due to the fact that I am already a Christian and somewhat familiar with the bible more than the targeted readers she has in mind. Yet I am convinced this ‘flaw’ is purposive and is meant to goad the skeptic reader to actually pick up the bible to ascertain for herself the veracity of the author’s claims and to embark on further research starting with the numerous article/book suggestions the author provides at the end of every chapter for further reading in which case I think is a brilliant strategy.

On the whole I would say (while utilizing the same analogy from the start) that Annabel, unlike your typical stereotype of a doting mother who treat her children with excessive indulgence thereby spoiling them rotten on sweets and other confectionery, in a motherly manner invites her readers to feast on the banquet of scripture which does not comprise only of sweets and cereals but a wholesome balance of not so tasty vegetables and other essentials that every good mother knows is critical to the healthy development of her children.

TASTE AND SEE is a good book and I recommend it to all.

The Reformed Faith by Loraine Boettner

In my short time of embracing Reformed Theology with its strong biblical emphasis, Loraine Boettner’s The Reformed Faith is one of the few books that I have found to clearly and concisely address this worldview. Not intended as an exhaustive treatise, Boettner dilates on some of the key tenets of the reformed faith (popularly known as Calvinism) while hinting at other topics in six brief chapters.

In the first chapter, the author deals with the attribute of God’s Sovereignty which he explains this way that “by virtue of the fact that God has created everything that exists, He is the absolute Owner and final Disposer of all that He has made.” Boettner further elaborates that “He [God] exerts not merely a general influence, but actually rules in the affairs of men. He appoints the course of nature and directs the course of history down to the minutest details. His decrees therefore are eternal, unchangeable, holy, wise and sovereign.”

This doctrine does not sit well with many professing Christians because they hold to an unfounded notion of man’s free-will which they regard as highly inviolable to the extent that even God must pander to it and can only interfere when permitted by man. Such a view of God is the product of man’s imagination in which puny man is elevated to the status of deity, inadvertently belittling the Almighty to the lowly levels of the creature. How very demeaning of God’s majesty! Yet Boettner faithfully depicts the biblical view of a sovereign God who “…does according to his will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay his hand or say to him, “What have you done?” Dan.4:35ESV

In the second chapter, Boettner deals with man’s totally helpless condition as a consequence of the original sin. He notes with disappointment that the “first and perhaps most serious error [of Arminian writers] is that they do not give sufficient importance to the sinful rebellion and spiritual separation of the human race from God that occurred in the fall of Adam.” This is sadly true of the many who approach man’s grave sin problem as nothing more than a mere failure to achieve perfection or as missing the mark to enlightenment and hence only require some dose of positive motivational influence to reinstate him to the path of perfection. Is it any wonder then that a lot of pastors today are more of motivational speakers than shepherds?

Sadly, many pastors and teachers fail to highlight the intensity of man’s total depravity and his dire spiritual status as dead and utterly blind to God’s truth and thus in desperate need of a savior mainly because of their low view of man’s helplessness to please God. As Boettner noted, many even avoid the subject altogether as these do not actually believe it. Yet true to Reformed Theology, the author doesn’t downplay the gravity of the fall on mankind but aptly handles it in the light of God’s sovereignty making the gospel even more precious to the sinner!

In the third chapter, the author deals with the foreknowledge of God which many Arminians appeal to as basis for the election of the saints unto salvation yet these somehow fail to comprehend its corollary of divine foreordination, which they oddly reject. He skillfully dispels this false notion by displaying the inconsistencies and absurdities that will result if this belief were to be followed to its logical conclusion while at the same time making a cogent case for divine foreordination and foreknowledge which are really two sides of the same coin.

He goes on in the next chapter to address many of the biblical texts that seemingly lend support to a Universal Atonement by situating many of these texts in their proper context and which in the end gives credence to the Reformed doctrine of Definite Atonement. Contrasting the Reformed with the Arminian view, Boettner states that we “have to choose between an atonement of high efficiency which is perfectly accomplished, and an atonement of wide extension which is imperfectly accomplished” because “if we had both we would have universal salvation,” which idea is most disagreeable even from an Arminian perspective.

The final chapter summarizes the crux of the discourse using the traditional TULIP acrostic to concisely state the distinction between Reformed and Arminian Theology where T – Total Depravity, U – Unconditional Election, L – Limited Atonement, I – Irresistible Grace and P – Perseverance of the Saints.

This book is available for free online here at monergism.com which is a treasure trove of free Reformed Theology materials. I highly recommend this book to every Christian especially those unfamiliar with the distinctive of the Reformed faith as an excellent primer.

Indeed, Loraine Boettner is spot on in saying that “Christianity comes to its fullest and purest expression in Reformed Faith.”

Soli Deo Gloria!!!